How to Get a Guy to Like You in 13 Steps (or not)

It is a question that women all over the world ask each other: how do you get a guy to like you? I know how hard it is to get a guy, but it doesn't have to be that way. All people, guys included, deep down in their soul, know that when one human being connects to another, it's the most beautiful thing in the world. And everybody wants to connect. Getting a guy to like you need not be that hard.

I can tell you from personal experience that I've tried every one of these things and each guy I've used them on has been enraptured from the very start. They usually sit there or stand there and listen intently like I am the only woman on the planet. And if they happen to leave, it's because they have to talk to somebody else or their dog got hit by a car or their mother went into cardiac arrest. Nobody has ever said they didn't like what I had to say. And yes, I'm still single, but that's because I like it that way. All I'm saying is that I've gotten many guys to like me for at least a little while.

So with no further adieu, here are 13 ways to get a guy to like you.

1. Tell Him Your Life Story - There isn't a man on earth who wants to date you who also doesn't want to know your life story. That's why he's with you, after all, to get to know you, right? So why make things a mystery? Whether you are on the first date or the second, just let him know everything about you and talk until you can't talk anymore. Start at birth and go to the second you sat down. Don't leave anything out. No matter how long it takes. You can even email him your story in novel form before the date begins.
2. Make Sure He Knows You Like Rap Music Guys really like rap music these days. Memorize the lines from a few songs and make sure he knows you're hip by reciting them. You can even sprinkle in some stuff from those songs in your speech. Like "I bein' on the QT with the Ezee, baby." I don't know what that means, but guys like it.
3. Talk About Your Ex-Boyfriends Talking about your ex-boyfriends shows a guy that you're not hung up on the past and are comfortable talking about any subject. Guys want to know what they've got to do to measure up. I usually give my first dates an Excel spreadsheet with all the relevant details about my ex-boyfriends. Guys like to know where they stand.
4. Let Him Know that You Will Not Have Sex Until the 23rd Date It's essential to get to know a guy before you sleep with him and the best way to do that is to just come out and say it. I've discovered that the 23rd date rule works really well. Any guy that will go out with you 23 times before having sex is determined and interested. Just come out and tell the guy right away so you can separate the contenders from the pretenders. Sometimes I even like to let a guy get to 3rd base on the 23rd date and then fake a headache just to double-check that he's in it for the long haul.
5. Schedule a Time for Him To Meet Your Mother Men learn all kinds of things by meeting your mother, so make sure you schedule a time for him to meet her as soon as possible. Sometimes it's even okay to bring your mother on the first date. It gets this step out of the way.
6. If You Have Kids, Bring Them With You There's no sense hiding the fact that you have kids from a guy unless your husband has sole custody or something. And sitters cost money too. Just bring the kids with you on the date. He's going to have to meet them eventually anyway.
7. Make Sure He Knows He Will Never Be More Important Than Your Dog Guys think that when you have a dog that they can do mean things to the dog, like kick him out of bed or move his plate from the dining table to the floor or take off his clothing or put him on a leash. Things like that. A man has to know that under no circumstances will he ever be more important than your pet. I mean, guys come and go. Dogs love us forever.
8. Buy a Ferret All men love ferrets. Just buy one.
9. Take Him Shopping With You Yes, I know. Men don't like to shop. But this is how you know they're serious about you. A man who will shop for tampons with you is a definite keeper. If a man will go on a second date with you after shopping for tampons on the first date, he's a keeper.
10. Make Him Go to Quilting Class With You I've actually found that about 1 in 15 guys really like quilting. You've got to test these guys. If they're not going to put up with a little quilting, imagine what else they won't put up with.
11. Call Him At Least Three Times A Day All people, whether man or woman, wants to know whether you like them or not. Calling three times a day, which is my rule, lets them know that you're still interested. I mean, some people can become uninterested in you within minutes, so if you call at least three times a day, they won't forget about you.
12. Make Fun of His Car One of the most important things men look for in a woman is a sense of humor, so you have to prove early on that you know how to crack a joke. Making fun of a man's car not only shows you can joke around, but it also tests their resolve. If they're too sensitive, you'll know right away. Say something like: "God, could you not afford a moped?" or "My grandma drives one of those."
13. Don't Wear Any Deodorant It's really important to a man that a woman smell good and there's nothing more erotic than your natural odor. If you schedule that first date, try going three or four days without a shower and then show up. You'll know instantly whether or not that chemistry is there and nothing is more important than chemistry. If you have it, it's like magic.